


Falling

by DomleneIsEndgameXx



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DomleneIsEndgameXx/pseuds/DomleneIsEndgameXx
Summary: Short drabble of Darlene in the shower after the events of 4x08. Read Notes for trigger warnings.
Relationships: Darlene Alderson/Dominique DiPierro
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> TW - Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, blood. Please read ahead at your own risk. 
> 
> Hey, I haven’t written anything in so long. This has been sitting in my drafts for almost a year now so I thought I should just post it. Perhaps it was better off in my drafts but I didn’t really want to waste a finished story and it’s only short, so...
> 
> Fic title based on the song Falling by Harry Styles (it just felt fitting for angsty Domlene)

The image of Dom struggling with blood dripping down her chest and mouth swirled around in Darlene’s mind. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling as she rest her forehead against the shower wall.

_What a mess. ___

____

____

If the guilt she felt was unbearable before, the guilt she felt now was implausible. It should have been her with the knife in her chest, not Dom.

Since the beginning she’d known Dom was a good person. Since the first day she had spoken to her alone in that god awful room. What struck Darlene most was Dom’s humility. Her willingness to truly listen and connect to Darlene, unlike any other members of law enforcement she’d encountered before. Dom genuinely cared. Darlene wasn’t just another criminal to be rushed behind bars and hidden from the universe to her. She had no place being caught up in this hell. This was all her fault.

_“You were just using me.” ___

____

____

The few tears that were falling had now become heavy and rapid. Harsh sobs escaped her mouth as images of the broken women she’d created flashed through her mind. She did this to her. 

_“You did this to me.” ___

____

____

Darlene knew she didn’t have the luxury of wasting time in here, the Deus Group meeting was tonight. Her and Elliot’s plan was finally about to come to a head. She was doing this for Dom. For Angela. For the revolution her and her brother had dreamed of. For all the people who had suffered to help them get to this point. She should be reeling to go. Yet she just couldn’t stop the pain. She couldn’t stop the last few hours from flooding her mind. It ran her blood ice cold as the scolding water cascaded down her body.

She raised her hand slowly and gently ran her fingers over the purple bruise on her right shoulder, gradually trailing down to the larger one on the side of her thigh that was slightly swollen. She knew they must have been from Dom shoving her into the tub. The other few scattered across her body were likely from those Dark Army bastards manhandling her. Her stomach churned when vivid images of the night ran through her mind once again.

_“I’m sorry.” Dom’s voice broke, the rattling of the gun behind her becoming more and more violent as she shook. ___

____

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_“No, no, no, please! Don’t be sorry Dom...” ___

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She weeped, raising her hand up to the crusted dry blood on her head. She felt around to check for fresh blood, wincing as she brushed over the area the skin had been torn. She reached for the loofah, a throbbing twinge of pain in her wrist as she did. Though she was far from feeling good about anything, a slight sense of relief breezed through her that the wound had mostly dried and closed up. A mild concussion was becoming very apparent as her head spinner agonisingly. _It could have been much worse _she reminded herself. She’s not the one with a knife in her chest. Cautiously she started rubbing at the old blood, the water pooling by her feet gradually turning discoloured like liquid rust.__

_____ _

_____ _

_Dom’s trembling hands shoved the gun into hers. ___

____

____

_“You have to kill me” ___

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____

She began scrubbing harder, suddenly not caring about the pain. It almost felt good. She deserved to hurt.

_“I’m not gonna fucking kill you!” ___

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____

_“I’d do it myself if I could. I’ve thought about it every day for the past two months, but I can’t do it.” ___

____

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_“I can’t do it.” ___

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_“Please Darlene just pull the fucking trigger!” ___

____

____

She had made Dom want to end her life and now she could actually be dead. The woman who kept her loneliness at bay when she had nobody, who showed her kindness when nobody else would, who told her she was special and meant it sincerely. The woman Darlene had grown to care so deeply for...maybe even loved...she could really be dead right now. All because of her stupid recklessness.

Her scrubbing became rougher once again turning the water a dark crimson now, and it quickly became apparent to Darlene she had reopened the wound. She threw the loofah down in frustration, slamming a hand against the shower wall.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck...” her shout of anger shifted into mere sobs again. She felt like she was drowning in her own thoughts, guilt and sorrow overwhelming her. So she let the water pour over her face, not caring if she could breath or not.

Her face burned and her lungs ached desperately for air. But then the thought hit her once again. She had a responsibility to carry out. For a moment it made her feel worse. Like it was all too much, like she couldn’t bare anything anymore. But she had to get this done and make the dark army pay. Whatever she felt, whatever else she wanted to do, that could come after.

She took a deep shaky breath of steamy air after jerking herself out of the heavy flow of water and ran a hand down her face. She took a minute to collect herself again and reposition the wound to be directly under the stream of water, turning the temperature down to a safe level. She shut her eyes tight, letting the water carry away the rest of her blood and tears.

-

Another couple of minutes or so had passed. The water had now become clear and Darlene’s tears had slowed once more. It wasn’t like the sadness and anxiety disappeared, she just couldn’t bring herself to let it get in the way of their goal anymore. Trying to focus on the outcome was the only distraction stopping her painful emotions long enough to think somewhat straight.

She felt so dirty, like every part of her should be dragged down the drain with the rest of the scum. She could probably stay here all day and still feel vile, but she let the water flow and illusion of being cleansed continue for a moment longer anyway.

_Darlene pressed a blanket against Dom’s open wound, desperate to stop the bleeding. Dom’s shaking hands rest on hers, slightly caressing the back of her hand with her thumb, smearing the blood drenching both of their hands along with it. ___

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_“You wanna help me? Go find Elliot, and take them down.” ___

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____

Darlene attempted to swallow the thick lump in her throat forming again, but it remained. It was good in a way though. These were the only words that left her wanting to keep going and finishing what they had started rather than ending everything. She refused to cry again as she hit the shower dial off abruptly, leaving her in a deafening silence. She wrapped a towel hastily around herself before the silence left room for worse thoughts to return.

Stumbling over to the mirror, feeling weak in every sense of the term, her eyes eventually locked onto the swollen eyes of the person in the reflection; the person she now loathed. All she could manage to do was promise to make things right for Dom when this was over, no matter what it cost her. She just hoped Dom was still alive for it.

“I’m gonna make those motherfuckers pay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou so much for reading! I remember writing this when I was really suffering so it’s only fitting that I’ve revisited it now I’ve been suffering again. But anyway, it means a lot to me if you took them time to read all the way through and I appreciate every one of you.
> 
> Huge shoutout to my mutuals on Twitter. Thankyou for all you’ve done for me and supporting me when nobody irl did. I’m sorry I decided to leave, but it was important to my mental health. I still love you guys sm. 
> 
> Here’s to (hopefully) more domlene fics in the future. <3


End file.
